I need help! I need to get out of this marraige, any and all advice needed,

you never really know someone!!

One should never let themselves believe that they know a person, no matter how long, or close they are. I recieved the truth about a man in my life, and I am absolutly floored over the information!! yet, suprisingly it is so clear now. The past, his lies, and that "Kind face, with beady little eyes." I know why my Dad dosn't like him, he has always been a great judge of charictor. Now, I will not leave him at home with my son, and I am panning on leaving him.

I shiver just thinking of the court report, and the words that it spelled out. Blace and white!!! He beat that boy!! Bite that child. Broke his clavical bone a few week prior, to killing him.

THIS IS A NIGHTMARE, WHAT DID I GET INVOLVED WITH!!!!

you are no better than I

Time and Time again you insult me, and show no shame for the way you abuse me. Even if I have done wrong how does it hurt you? Other's have done wrong, and tried to conceal it, I rarely tried hidding my faults.

A chance 2 advance!!damienzchance.docx (file://DAMIE-PC/Users/Damie/Documents/damienzchance.docx)

for 2 years my husband and I have attended a certain Bike rally together, tonight he told me he isn't goin, I will be going alone!! Thats cool I am a BIG GIRL!!!

Although it does hurt me a bit thats, cool.

Life goes on.

Children how do you raise them after 10 years absent

Being a Mom again, after 10 years!!! It's not easy, This morning I had to go to his school, and find out what was going on!! He is failing everthing except mythology, as well as skipping his last class. The counselor was impressed I took it upon myself to come in now. What she doesn't realize is that I have 10 years of motherhood to make up for!!!
Last night he and I had a talk, and he went ahead and appologized for what i was going to learn this morning. I am very disappointed in him, and It is up to me to disapline him?1? If anyone reading this has any parental advice, I need it, desperatly.

better days

Life is looking up for the moment. Our house will be closing in less than 20 days. We can get some bills paid off!!

Sunday my husband Ans I celebrated our 6th aniversary, I was supprised when he wished us Happy Anniversary first. We are getting along good, but there has been no outside interferance either!

I am anxcious to get the internet back at home so I can return to work. I was begining to make good money when I had to leave where I was at. I want my friend to know that I apprrciate there kindness, moreso there friendship.

I am over this, for now

I am through with all the CUNT Shit. I have come to accept my husband has left me high and dry. Maybe I deserve it? I don't know. I do know that there are only a handfull of people that realize he myself. of course no one in this world is without them, I am just at a lose why the Moral Police have decided to disrupt my life? Knowing they should be stripped of there badges for there moral conduct. This is not the end of things, no, more like the begining of a new chapter. And as long as I keep teeling myself that, soon I will believe it.

Everbody Loves dirty laundry

Just when you think you have found a solution to your life, y0u get a curve ball thrown at ya. I have been sitting here at home for 2 days now, no sighn of my husband, wich is better than him being here tring to push my buttons again.

I do know this much, if people would tend to there business, this world would be a better place. I am a sinner, as is the rest of us. So can anyone tell me what makes people that have no reason to stick ther 2 cents in, where they don'y have there facts straight?

This is the facts of life, Kick em whn there up, Kick em when there down!!!

Well, I can't take the bullshit any longer, I have my son with me now, and I am doing my best to buld a better life for him. I only hope that I can continue my plan for a new career, that is my saving grace right now.

Where's the Love? whar ever happened to the Goldn Rule? if everyone is out for only themselves, then no really wins, do they.

good time bad time

I tried to go to work last night, but the bar was closed, unfortunatly I left my son at home alone for no reason. It is amazing how strog and fast the maternal instinct kicks back in, and bless his heart he is 16, not a baby, a young man.

Well come hell or high water today, I am gonna find myself a big truck to learn to do my pre-trip, during, and after trip inspection!! I will go to work tonight I hope, provided they are having danncing girls tonight.

I got knews from my no longer "Secret Gift" The adopted parents have sent me there e-mail or us to corrispond!! I amwaiting on her to reply to my mail today!!!

Todday I ask every one to remember the Golden Rule, and treat others as you would want to be treated. No matter haw they piss you off, you never know what a difference your kindness will do for them!!!

moving

I have started packing my belongings, it is very strange. I know that my marriage has been over for a long time now. I just hate that he is taking it out on my son? Not directly of course, but I hear everything!!! All he is doing wrong in my husbands eyes!

His coldnesss to my son is the driving force for me to get my shit and go!! I have a plan, and I figure in a soilid 3 months I can be working a goood job, and ready to move.

God save the Queen

A New Day

I am off to sighn my son'd transcript transfer, and then off to see my mom. Aparebtly her Lupus is out of remmission, and bavk in her body.

In other news I am in search of a meaningless sexual relationship, to vent some frustration!!

Sorry for my son

I am losing it!!! His birthday went wrong, and I am ready for a divorce

It's My boys Birthday!!!

I don't have alot to givr him, but today we are going to the creek!!

Remember Where You Came From

I don't know who coined that phrase, but it is exactly what my ilfe is right now.

I am living like I did at 18, as well as when I was living on crack. With the exception of slightly higher standards.

Last night I took my bath in a large rubbermaid continer, fillled with water we had saved from when we illigally had the water on for the weekend. Not only do we not have water, we are soon to lose the electricity!!

Yesturday, my husband told me labor Finder's couldn't put him to work?!? I am plannning on getting my CDL, hopefully in about 6 weeks.

Never let person be your savior, and take care of you, and everything in your life, look at what it has done for me.

Marriage

RESPECT
Me as a Person
My Feelings

YOURSELF!!
HONOUR
The words you speak
Your life

ME!!
OBEY!!
The Vow's We Made
The Heart

MARRIAGE!!

Skeletons never stay in there closet!!

My secret is out!! My husband knows, not that you can't tell me that he had no clue at all. It really doesn't matter now, we have been going down hill way before My secret gift was no longer a secret.
I am now contemplating leaving him. I can't stay here, and have him mentally fuck with me for what he refused to believe.

And for all my Chooosen Family out there, thanks for the LOVE, I needed it!!!

Super Strippper and Generic Girl ride again

I have been on vacation with my son, and enjoying every minute of it. I have also had several friends tring reach me on behalf of my husband. I do appolagize to them for not getting in touch as of yet. I am with a friend I haven't seen in several years, "Generic Girl" and I are having a great time. I will be home soon.

Life is what YOU make it!

I believe everything happens for a reason, it is lifes way of on tje job training!! I have few regreets in my life. Everything I have experienced has been building blocks to what it is I have to overcome presently.

I am enjoying having my son back in my life, He is so cool. I also fear what is in the future for my okdest son. Not to mistake a mother's concern for "whatever" He is an aduldt now, and I can't do anything to fix or prevent his choice's.

Presently I am in an undisclosed location with my blood family close to me, and it feel good. I need a break from my husband, and my Mom graciously offered a solution to my situation, and sent me and my son on a mother son reunion vacation.

I didn't evenm leave a note for my husband, I realize he is going to be angry, but he has no clue how pissed I am with him. The reason for my distast with him isn't important, what is , is the fact that I told him what was bugging me, and he had no reaction what so ever!!!

I sat him down let him know that I needed him to listen to what I had to say, and to consider how, what I was telling him was starting to really piss me off. And, before I let it build up to a temper tantrum, we could work together to fix it. Let me tell you that didn't work out, it was like we didn't come to a solution together!!! He just told me what I wanted to hear, and Continued in the other direction.
`

A chance 2 advance!!

Where is my head at?

I can not put into words how I feel, I am geeting a 3 rd opportunity to have my son back, after I gave him to them, and 5 years ago they gave me the opportunity to earn my parental rights back. Then at christmass they took him back, she took him back, My step-mother took him away.
She could only have gotin more bitter in time. I have no clue how my son would react to such conditions. I do know that for me, only in and out her life till I was 21, am full af hate and discontent for her.
I have to be responsable now no matter how all my self-endulgent ways are. It is time, Time for me and my youngest son to grow up together. Just like Pony boy in that book/movie, shit brain freeze, but tom cruize and Rob Lowe were in the movie.

Life do's have It's it's irony!

I have to end this entry this way.

My husband called me today, to talk about the future of his business??? His store, the place we call home?? the same business I don't have a business degree in??? What a cool cucomber that man is. I had no clue we were this far down the river, ok my gut has spoken to me, telling me to quit rowing, and start fucking swimming, the damn boat sank fool.
I am ashamed of myself, I always listen to my gut. It truly has not failed me yet. I never go that route, and don't know why I did in my mariage.
I ask you this much, for all the years anyone has known me why did I allow someone to be my keeper? I took any easy path to no where. And, I am going down with the captian. will someone throw me a life boat. I can't afford to sink.

My Fear

This is the time my insecurities are there strongest. At this moment my my fears override my self-esteem, and nothing but the darkest of thoughts rage inside my mind, filling me with internal panic.



Please release my mind of these

A chance 2 advance!!

A chance 2 advance!!

Whatever!!

Okay so I am doing web cam work right. It is good business, but I am tied to tis computer constantly. I need an air card that is reliable and inexpensive, or can I get away with an antanea booster? this I don't know, so maybe some out here can help me?

I am planning on going to Sany Hook for the memorial day bike rally, and want to bring my computer so I can do some pre arrranged shows. I have had lots of great feedback about it, from my customer's. now I am putting it out here for feed back. more technical feedback, but I am always open for Idea's!!!

Whatever!!

A chance 2 advance!!

so close

I have been staying with friends, so i can work. I am thankful for there hospitaility, but I am getting close to standing on my own feet. It's kinda scary!! I am finally at a place in life where i can actually start planning for the future, its great. I do have a ways to go, but iam close now, thanks to a good friend. so I guess iam writting thlet them know you are appreciated!!

Just blowin off stem

Today they shut downtown down, and surprise (i say sarcastically)! he didn't turn his phone on until way to late. after I spoke my peace, I told retardo, I Loved him and, hung up. Only to later receive his apology text, sympathetic smiley face included.
ya know what I don't give a rat's ass!!
I will show up when I decide to, and screw him, I will party independently from him. This feels good.

Date NOT

Ok, so It's 8am an we are heading home? Can someone help me with this one!!

Let me take you back to last Saturday night/Sunday morning-First he got his bike fixed, and then it broke down again, and last he showed up at my "Web Cam room" at around 2 am, and wait for it:

SO WE HAD ANOTHER TALK!!! After "said" talk, I insisted on a mandatory Date for Saturday night. I didn't care if wed sat on the roof, at home and stargazed drinking tea. Let's have some Quality marriage repair time.

He showed up at My Web room, 40 miles away from home, with sushi for 3, and 2 bottles of wine. Where did we spend "said" date night? On the couch in the living room where I work. With my friends. How Romantic is that?

I am sick of being kept away from home, I know it is my home, right? Well, be that as it may, sometimes it's better not to know. you understand?

Reality is I am the Queen of championing Lost cause's, and no matter how hard I work to mend our marriage, I am going down with the boat. Fighting till there is nothing left.

You know all I want is for someone to share what is My Life, with. I need to connect with a soul, other than retatrdo the romance fizz fade,and Friends.

I can't help but think of Queen and Freddy Mercury's song can somebody find me someone to LOVE!!!

my cam show

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

It was time tr pull a pony out of the pasture, ans administer some ligh punishment. So after having my pony secure a private room, I showed up, for the purpose of working this retired pony for a couple of hours.

It had been a while since I put this pony through his paces. Not surprising at all he was truly ready to be obedient to me.

After a short amount of time, I slipped into my attire, and after pleasuring myself, as my pony could only watch, I allowed him to remove his clothes. I then administered hi punishment. How good it felt to make him beg, and crawl at my feet.

enough punishment, I needed to be satisfies, I unsecured his restraints, placed condom on his cock with erotic pleasure for him. Then as I bentover the barstool, demanding him to fuck me, he did just that. Hard, and fast,sadly this pony got put back out o pasture, he needs to learn stamina.

Changes

I am watching a horribledisaster, in slow motion, and I can't do anything to stop it. It's my life, and I am not good with change. Change always breaks down every part of my being, leaving me forced to rebuild myself with the scraps left over.

I am reluctant to admit, but this, but it is the stagnate, slow passing of time when I am most vulnerable. It sux's.

I know I need to put on my Big Girl Panties, and just deal with it.

My Terriable, Horriable, no good very bad Day

So I had this photoshoot planned, and the photographer was a no show!! Caused me to spend money I didn't have. When I spoke to my husband this morning-Let's just say something was ary? I decided to call him early, before he's usual night call. He was inroute to where I am, suprise. I wanted to scream, so I went to work on the bag's for a minute. He arrived shortly after I started hitting my bag. He was here at arround his usual night time call.
I d't think al is well at home. I ate how he absarbes the personallty of whoever he is around, especiaally when its his "Hero"

On aa lighter note, my webcam work was quite good today. after just one week of being in my lobby everyday this week, I am picking up a following, as well as getting better at tlkig durig my shows.
Today i did get off, it had been building all day, and when it happened what an explosion It Was!! Now I know masterbation isn't equa to sex wit a partnerin the room w/ you, but for today It was great.

I am already aver this day~

I am really a stupid-head, no excuses!! I caught up on my e-mail lat night. As i was croching in the barn out back, waiting for a tornadoto blow us away!! (I refused t stay in the trailer home, seeing I don't think it's even strapped down!!

I understand HNT now!!!Hell ya I am on board, I so get it Half Nekked thursday's, I hope It's spelled right). I can't wait till thursday, this should prove interesting.
In cloosing I must add, I am glad I got into the writting first. Keeping a journal, as My Gaurdian

Angel asked me to do, i am gratefull. It seems that it has been helpful for me. I must say a prayer for the seetest soul for giving me this gift.

Assets

NIPPLES

I had a great weekend!! Partied at the St. Paddy's day parade, and visited the bike expo., and I am adding wickedly, made "my Presence Known" to a past lover. It's not that this man broke my heart, more like I broke his. I didn't realize that he would become obbsessed, and stalk me when I didn't want to lave my husband for him?? Hell hews in my weddding!!! He is partially responsable for The Biggest Sacrafice IN My LIFE. I experienceced the greatest gift, and equally painful loss. I found joy in him seeing, but not being seen by me. Coupled wit the reality that my painful gift, will he will never ever know!!

I am a sexual being, and I can adit it. I'm not one for mushy gushy emtional bullshit, not when the sex is hot!!! I am quite comfortable with guiltless pleasure between 2 consenting adults. i suppose that is why having a playmate that is in a relatioship with someone seperate from our playdate's is what I am looking for. Yes, love your spouse, but let's "FUCKING PLAY!"

Don't get me wrongg I love my husband, but we haven'y fucked since Pig's had wings!! I don't mind if he finds a fucking friend, as long as he is either disc reet with her, or honest with me!! If people would just get to the brutal truth of themselves, the nature of there needs, and put it all out there in the light, I believe life would be much easier.

It is hard to hide one's "real" sidee from life's "normal" people, folks's that are just exactly like us, but ashamed of that darker side. Everyday fighting with the desire to open up and be more true to themselves.

That's why I love the Parade, eveery year "normal" people get a day to dress up, let there hair down,, an let tthe beast they are ashamed off loose on the street of the city. It's a wondorous site tom, The Freak in real life!!

new batteries for old toys

As I sit here, lounging like a southern belle, watching my web cachat window, Perodically makingpoite dirty talk wit our keyboards. I am witinon my"baby" whrever e e, skippping trough the wb,looking for his dream Cybersex girl, I have decided to keep an oldfashined diary.

I sit here looking intotwe cam dispaing m image bac at me, I slip into a fantasy:

Suddenly all the horny cocks out there are in here with me, I can't see faces, only cock and balls, and bodies. I am being gang banged, I can't scream, my mouthis filling with jism, and then replaced with another hard cock. Someone s behind me pulling my hair as they thrust there load into my swet spot, and then nother cock is entering me, banging his balls against my ass, harder and harder. I can feel hands onmy tits, pinching my nipples, a there's more cock jamming through my tits. He has squeezed trhem tightly together, and his warm jism squirts all over my face. His hands rubbing his seed into my skin.

I begin to orgam, as I shke violently with waves of pleasure pushing thru my body, another one erupts inside me, this one more intense, and lasting even longer. I no longer even ralize the men rvaging my body, wave after wave runing thu me, and when the highted creshendo of plesure subsides, i look to see it's nly my little pocket rocket that battery was new baby!!

feeling lonely feeling small

How strange my days have turned, I don't ncessarily believe that "Murphy's
Law" has taken over my exterior self, but I am momentarly running from a black cloudover me. I enjoyed a few ticks of the tockw/my eldest son. I was indulged in an innocent tawdry fling. I have earned a little money build up. I even shared a peceful morning enjoying the blessing of an old friends companionship.

I have no general complaints, just one tiny glitch in my outlook, I have compromised my daily routine to make a bit of change. I know it takes time to pick yourself back up, but damn this time it's hard!! For Better or Worse, this time when I regain my indipendance, I refuse to allow myselfto be cared for again!!

There is no such a freedom as to have another person, tending to all my finacial, personal, and emtional physical needs. It make for the woman you are, to hide further away, and harder to regroup.

I am learning, but somtimes the pace I move doesn't feel up to my choosing.

satisfied paydate

I have been semi satisfied, all we had was a stolen moment of time, but It was enough for now. All those hours in my web room being teased, not teasing! You couple that with an unknown number of months without sex in my marriage, FRUSTRATING!!

How Devine it feels to be handled by the deserving master, and not having to exchange many words to master my most primal desire.

Friday th 13th!!!

I had a great sho this morning!!! It was a cam to cam, and I must say one hell of an orgasim!!!

I wish they were all that easy.

I havn't had a chance to meet for my playdate as of yet. I am starting to entertain the idea of looking for a new playmate? Someone with a more open schedule mabe, but definatly the same charisma.

alone in my chat room

Well I havn't posted in a while, and right now Iam also in my web room. I am bit bored it's slow tonight, but I am showing myself. Maybe I need to trry smthing new? I am very close to my target goal in my bank account, but I am feeling the emotional drain of cyber rejection?! I hope someone here can help me w/some new ideas for getting shows.

Sexualtension boiling over

I di the cyber sex to night, and I must say it is turnung out to be quit a lucrative business. Although, extremly frustrating!!!! I mean some private shows get a bit intense. I have my toys, to calm the desire , but I still fill unsatisfied. I know that it is just the build up of my sexual needs, some being meet, and others left unfulfilled.

I suppose tommorow I will give my playmate a nudge, and remind him we have a playdate that I need!! I need to release all this extra sexual tension building with this webcam work.

waiting on playdate details

I have a play date in the near future, I am just waiting on my playmateto call me w/the arangements. I can't help myself from being a bit excited for this one. I was told he is going to blindfold me this time, just thinking of the possabilties, has my pussy tingling. I havn't been dominated completly in some time, and w/this partner, I willingly invite to do so.

I want to enjoy the blind unknown, to be completly obedient to his quiet control, I can't wait.

I must fill you in on my cyber-sex. It is going very well. I have an appointment at 10 am so I will be keeping my blog short. This job is awsome!!

second day at work

Yes, I "went" to work again last night!! I am supprised at how easily I am gettig the nack for cyber sex. It makes me feel good about myself to reas there comlpiments. On the other hand, looking at myself on the camera, I realize I need to start working out. I suppose I wil get to that,eventually, untill then it doesn't matter. I am lookiing for a new adventure, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, Iam open to suggestios?? The weather is geting nice maybe I will go camping, annd get nekked on the bayou.

Cyber whore

I've started working, a new "JOB" Internet porn. Last night was my first day on the job, it was great!! I got so Horny, and it was very impowering. How different from working last weekend, as a house dancer. Oh yea, I did my first "VIP" Dude ate my pussy, and it was good. Never the less it cheapened my feelings even mmore for "lap dances."
But this internet thing is a bit refreshing, no contact except for my keyboard, and I still get Paid!!!!

Husband jacked off, and didn,t bother to invite me

Last night my husband rolled himself over to the faar edge of the oppposite side of it. Turned his back to me, and within a few minutes he was, well plaing with himself. Yes, he was being quiet, but not very still. It was beyond obvious what he was doing, and let out a soft moan. Ateer that the turned his head toward me, I tried to not show my feelings on my face.


I was Horrified, disgusted, and quit frankly hurt!!! In 2 years wehave had sex 2 times?!!! This isn't the first time he has done this, its happened at least 2 other times. The first time My son was staying w/us and we have a open bedroom, living area. It was my son who brouht it to y attintion. My son is 18 and more like my brother, but it still was Fucked up.

I am not sure how to handle this? I don't feel like I should ignore it, but I don't know how to approach the subject. It made me feel like I am just married to him because he doesn't want to divorce me, but he doesn't want me either.

Secret Sex!! No strings

I desire another secret meering with my Fucking Friend. I only wish I knew how to ask a secret sexcapade without coming across as needy, or as if I was "falling" for him. I only need the physical side of sex. I am an adult woman, and have had a purly sexual relation in the past. Only that one got fucked up because he got emotionally attached.

anyone out there got any sugesstions on how I should approach this? I am not one to have looads of one nighters, and with a single partner i get more comfortable with different ssexual behavior. I love my husband, but we don't have sex, and I need It.

Headlines Read: Thanx for the Love and support

I don't have time to write much. I am late for work, but I want all to know I needed to hear No one is UNWANTED>


And My FReaky one, I am always ready to run the ponies.

Ponies in my stable

Today, I am just gonna write a simple fantasy, a short fictional story. I would appreciate any feed back on my writing skills, and i do realize my use of grammer is awful.

I say to hell with all the inferior being's in this world. As the hieraechy, it is our dutiful pupose to end the suffering of any and all lives that are not, how do I put this? worth taking up space and time. I say we seek out the weak, the wrong, and the wastful!!! End there lives, quick, and and with little pain. All the ones that have raveged the land, and kept the spoils to themselves. Send them into death, but do so mercifully.

We shall carfully consider the ones to be kept, they shall be of good standards, strong gracefull bodies, and of course be well manered. The best of them shall be the keeper of the other's. They shall manage the rest of our ponies.

The day we have all our ponies segregated in there proper beeeding stables, and the rightful lead stallions keeping them maintianed. Oh. it willl be a celebration!! The female domination of all, well it is as it should be.

Woman are strong when called to be, yet we are soft even when we are hard. yYes, if they only knew, we have united, and we do have it all.

headline reads: sHE HAD SEX W/PARTNER

I had a secret meeting, a much needed sexual encounter!!!! DAMN I can't put it into words how good it felt to get that release!!! My "Fucking Friend" also discovered in me something I didn't know, Ilike to be choked. Not agressivly Pass out, but slowly slipping to extasy.

I am mostly dominate, except w/this one.

I have gone w/out an orgasam w/ another body for the better part of over a year and a half!!

IT WAS INCREDIABLE!!

Emotionally forgotten, the pain of an unwanted soul

Today I am need to address all the forgotten ones, the left behind children. Theese lost souls grow-up, for better or for worse, unfilled with an abyss of emotionally worthless void. These empty vessels of pain, learn only destructive life coping skills. Lots of us lern to camaflouge our behavior very effectivly. Quite similiar to a sniper hiding in plain sight waiting for that one shot. We the lost and forgotten ones, walk amoung everyone else with very fragile outer skins. Our lon wolf path begins the with our first memory of the most important loved ones in our life, not even seeing that we are right there. We are watching them walk through ou soul, and out the door in our life. You are first taechers of love, and trust, just leave us anywhere anytime ad with the worst of people to care for us, or take us from the best of people who want us.


I was a forgotten child, I was left battered and scarred so empty was my heart from what little LOVE my giver of life leeft me. I lived in an eggshell, afraid of letting other people in. I so blindly inspired to be just like the most evil influnce of my life. Now that I am an older woman am only begingig to truly see just how unwanted I was by this person, and it i almost to late for me to repair the emotional pain I have scarred my mot beloved gifts of life.

Still here I sit afraid of what Is needed for me to change, and reclaim my forgottten ones.

Natural born entertainers

what a week end!! So It's official, I am working again. I am danicing again, and the only positive I can tell ya is I am getting back in shape. Suprisingly fast!!! I also get to do my shows!!! I love dusting off all the old theatrical gear, and working the crowd, and playing my props. You see for me being a dancer is not so much about the money, grant it that was a bonous. No, I am more into the Entertaining side of stripping!!! I dreamed of running away to New Orleans to dance burlesque!!! In the beging years dancing, I did silly little shows, not realizing that were feature enterainers out there making good money doing exactly what I was doing, only on a grander scale.

After I saw my first feature dance, I knew that was what I wanted to be. I was twenty-something was told I was already to old to be a feature. If I could see that man now, I got my first title at the age of 31!!! I was 32 when I was crowned w/ The Miss Nude Petite title.

The best feeling I know Is hearing a crowd holla, sing, and trully enjoy my quirkey antics I performe on the stage. Oh yes the applouse the award me with for my interpretations in the art of stripping.


The compliments, and praise after the show, it is the best rush in life.

Entertaiment is in my blood. As A youngster I would always gather all my siblings and our friends, and off to my room we went to practice a play that I had put to gether. I alsways madesure we went christmass caroling, event in grade school. I would get my friends together, and we would pracitice dace routine, plays, and talent shows for the other classmates at the end of the week.

all I am gonna say iis, If only everyone couls experience living there dream, for a moment in life.

eace to all
D

Happy New Year all

I hope everyone brouth there new year in with the people that were important in there lives. I did, kinda. I was with my husband and my best frien and his girlfriend. at midnight I was toasting the next year that I know is gonna be gone in a minute, and kissed my Husband (for maybe only the 2nd time in 5 years) hugged my friends, and there was an unexpected new face there, the coctail waitress I know from another time. Then I sent all my friends a message, as well as my oldest son, who, by the way, isnot speaking to me.

Which brings me back to the "most Part" of this year. Last year I had my oldest one here, and instead of spending that midnight special momoent w/him, I was at the casono down the street hustling a "succer" with a couple of fiends that were at the part taking place at my apartmment. This was also the location of my child!!!! HELLO STUPIS HEAD GIRL, the cats in the craddle and all that musicl wisdom, my son is growing up almost just like me. He isn't gonna call me till friday, and I know thar money doesn't buy love, but tonight I am going to work, and I will do what is necessary to get himmore than the amp he wasnt, I will come home with the money for a new top of the line system for his ride!! It may not buy his Love, but I promise it will get him here before friday!!!!!

I am working on a New Year's resolution, Iwant make it one that I can kepp, as well as folllow into a new way of living. Something more than Just quit smoking, or lose weight. No this one is going to be a changs in my personal lifestyle!!!

Most important is to let my children know however I can that I am here for them, maybe late but on time for this llife I ave choose. Also, I need to improve on my daily routine, I need to findthat zest for life, and live it. Even if it means I need to get myself in a HUM< DRUM routine. Ya know semi NORMAl-yes ya know that cycle on the washing machine, NORMAL!

I hope my words find someone out there who understands, and relizies I searching for a support network for all this. If te creator of life hasn't landed me in that zone, then I must find it for myself. I need to make it happen.


BOTTLE'S O' WHISKEY AND BUCKETS O' BEER IAM WISHING YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!