A chance 2 advance!!
Where is my head at?
I can not put into words how I feel, I am geeting a 3 rd opportunity to have my son back, after I gave him to them, and 5 years ago they gave me the opportunity to earn my parental rights back. Then at christmass they took him back, she took him back, My step-mother took him away.
She could only have gotin more bitter in time. I have no clue how my son would react to such conditions. I do know that for me, only in and out her life till I was 21, am full af hate and discontent for her.
I have to be responsable now no matter how all my self-endulgent ways are. It is time, Time for me and my youngest son to grow up together. Just like Pony boy in that book/movie, shit brain freeze, but tom cruize and Rob Lowe were in the movie.
Life do's have It's it's irony!
I have to end this entry this way.
My husband called me today, to talk about the future of his business??? His store, the place we call home?? the same business I don't have a business degree in??? What a cool cucomber that man is. I had no clue we were this far down the river, ok my gut has spoken to me, telling me to quit rowing, and start fucking swimming, the damn boat sank fool.
I am ashamed of myself, I always listen to my gut. It truly has not failed me yet. I never go that route, and don't know why I did in my mariage.
I ask you this much, for all the years anyone has known me why did I allow someone to be my keeper? I took any easy path to no where. And, I am going down with the captian. will someone throw me a life boat. I can't afford to sink.
The Boyz
Pancho and lefty
My Chance to Advance
- Damienzchance
- I am an Adult Entertainer, my official tittle's are Miss Nude Petite Universe, Miss nude petite World, Miss nude WorldEntertainer of the year USA, World, and Universe. I have also been in Adult fims, as well as numerous adult pay-per-view's. my personal life is less glamourous than my professional life sounds, i am married, and I have 2 young men. I can't call them boy's any longer, though they will alway be my babies, I respect there unique individual idientities, and prefere to incourage them to be just that. I have a very special best-Friend whho turned me on to this blog, and I am writting now because she encouraged me to do so. I am 37 years old, and I just realized how much of my life has passed me by, and I don't know who I am. So I am starting this electronic journal for whoever out there wnats to read can. o, for thoose that read my thoughts, fealings, fears, joy's and all the rest of my rant and ravings in this new uncharted horizion, I ask please don't judge me, just comment, if you want, without sugar coating.
No, you can't afford to sink; you have a son who needs you and so many "out here" who care for you and need you as well!
ReplyDeleteWe all tend to ignore our guts at times, usually led astray by love, or the easy path you speak of, or both. The lucky ones awake before they are fathoms deep underwater as you have! The rest of us can only look up at the glimmer of light and try to find our way to the surface before we drown, trying to remember to exhale the whole way and hoping we don't get "the bends".
Tradition says it's the Captain that goes down with the ship; the Mate is responsible for getting the rest of the crew and all the passengers to safety. Do what you have to to save your son and yourself, not only from the ship but "the pirates" you wrote of as well! Surely no one can be allowed to take him if you put up a fight...
My e-mail is on my profile should you ever want it, or I'll put it here as well:
karow55@yahoo.com
I shall hope that your Ding Dong song soon refers to it's traditional melting!
alan
Yes, your instincts tried to warn you.. Wish I had a nickel for the times i refused to listen to what my gut knew.. ***tracey*** We can not change what we did not do.. We can not fix it after the fact.. what we CAN do is learn.. grow.. see the error of our ways..
ReplyDeleteNow what is your gut saying about your marriage?? will you ignore this also? I know you WANT it to work, you WANT him to change, you WANT to be loved.. let me say that again.. YOU WANT TO BE LOVED. but, as with me.. sometimes you should count your losses and MOVE THE FUCK ON.. be kept no more.