A chance 2 advance!!

Where is my head at?

I can not put into words how I feel, I am geeting a 3 rd opportunity to have my son back, after I gave him to them, and 5 years ago they gave me the opportunity to earn my parental rights back. Then at christmass they took him back, she took him back, My step-mother took him away.
She could only have gotin more bitter in time. I have no clue how my son would react to such conditions. I do know that for me, only in and out her life till I was 21, am full af hate and discontent for her.
I have to be responsable now no matter how all my self-endulgent ways are. It is time, Time for me and my youngest son to grow up together. Just like Pony boy in that book/movie, shit brain freeze, but tom cruize and Rob Lowe were in the movie.

Life do's have It's it's irony!

I have to end this entry this way.

My husband called me today, to talk about the future of his business??? His store, the place we call home?? the same business I don't have a business degree in??? What a cool cucomber that man is. I had no clue we were this far down the river, ok my gut has spoken to me, telling me to quit rowing, and start fucking swimming, the damn boat sank fool.
I am ashamed of myself, I always listen to my gut. It truly has not failed me yet. I never go that route, and don't know why I did in my mariage.
I ask you this much, for all the years anyone has known me why did I allow someone to be my keeper? I took any easy path to no where. And, I am going down with the captian. will someone throw me a life boat. I can't afford to sink.

My Fear

This is the time my insecurities are there strongest. At this moment my my fears override my self-esteem, and nothing but the darkest of thoughts rage inside my mind, filling me with internal panic.



Please release my mind of these

A chance 2 advance!!

A chance 2 advance!!

Whatever!!

Okay so I am doing web cam work right. It is good business, but I am tied to tis computer constantly. I need an air card that is reliable and inexpensive, or can I get away with an antanea booster? this I don't know, so maybe some out here can help me?

I am planning on going to Sany Hook for the memorial day bike rally, and want to bring my computer so I can do some pre arrranged shows. I have had lots of great feedback about it, from my customer's. now I am putting it out here for feed back. more technical feedback, but I am always open for Idea's!!!

Whatever!!

A chance 2 advance!!

so close

I have been staying with friends, so i can work. I am thankful for there hospitaility, but I am getting close to standing on my own feet. It's kinda scary!! I am finally at a place in life where i can actually start planning for the future, its great. I do have a ways to go, but iam close now, thanks to a good friend. so I guess iam writting thlet them know you are appreciated!!